Sunday, August 31, 2008

I've Become the Crazy Cat Lady

What did we DO with ourselves before six adorable kittens joined our crazy family?!

We've enjoyed them so much, and it's been a great lesson in responsibility for the kids. They have to help feed the kittens and clean up after them -- even when they don't feel like it. (what a concept!)

They're getting to the age where we're beginning to look for permanent homes --
the kittens, not our kids.
And we're ALL going to be sad to say goodbye. Our consolation, however, is that their "popular" mother is probably already in her second trimester of the next go around.
Which kitten is YOUR favorite?

Friday, August 29, 2008

One of "Those" Mornings

This morning was "one of those mornings" ..... to begin with, we flat out overslept. Nothing starts the day with a jolt like the frantic realization that the school bus is coming in 12 minutes and we're all in our p.j.'s, wiping sleep from our eyes.

And I shant be driving them to school when the good Lord above created school buses for that divine purpose. On the 6th day of creation, if memory serves me right.

Back to our morning ..... it wasn't going well.

Natalie couldn't find anything she wanted to wear. She's one of those kids who's prone to utter "this doesn't FEEL right" when getting dressed. (Ugh!) Me: "IT FELT FINE LAST WEEK WHEN YOU WORE IT!" I was about to just let her leave her Little Mermaid nightgown on. After all, if accessorized with a stylish strand of beads and Sunday shoes, it might just resemble a real outfit.....

Evan wanted to wear a dirty outfit, then couldn't find 2 socks that matched to save his life. Me: "JUST FIND 2 SOCKS THAT ARE CLOSE ENOUGH"! I think he ended up with one Strawberry Shortcake sock paired with a tube sock.

Holly was blocked access to our car to retrieve a backpack, as our neighbor's "lovely" cat, Runt, was blocking the sidewalk and hissing at her .... looking eager for an excuse to pounce on her with claws extended. On OUR sidewalk. I swear that cat is half Tazmanian Devil. I threw a broom at her and told her to show Runt who's boss! Hasn't she seen the "Crocodile Hunter"?! Crikey!

Getting a visual image of the whole scene?

After shoving them out the door with hurried, half-hearted tidings, I closed the door and exhaled a big sigh.

Just in time to spy the book left on the table that Natalie MUST return to her class today. You know, the one she was worried sick about forgetting.

Still being in my nightgown myself (and decidedly not a trendy Ariel one), I wasn't about to traipse down to the bus stop, flailing a paperback in the air. Even with beads and pumps, I instinctively knew I couldn't pull off the nightgown-as-an-outfit option suggested above.

My hubby / hero threw on some shorts and darted down to the bus stop ..... JUST as the bus was pulling away from our stop. But he didn't give up there, NO! He's not a quitter.

Since he was in the car, he literally chased the bus, trying to catch up and pass the book off at the next stop. Or the next one. Or MAYBE the one after that. He never could quite catch up, and ended up coming home with the *#%$%@! book in hand. I laughed out loud at that sight.

So right after I finish my coffee and quality time with Matt Lauer, I'm off to the school to take the book to Natalie. And maybe I'll even take a pair of matching socks to Evan. AND perhaps some first aid cream and band-aids to Holly.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Turn the Channel -- STAT !!

Not that I'm an over-protective psycho mom (most of the time, anyway), but I do make a conscious effort to shield my children from inappropriate material on television. And there's plenty of trash out there -- Amen? CAN I GET A WITNESS???!

In fact, now that our kids are nearing puberty, we have only recently allowed a hand full of various Y7 rated shows. That's the hard core stuff, people ..... like SpongeBob. Bob the Builder never looked so lame. He's SO yesterday!

You'd think that it would be "innocent" enough for them to watch a Nickelodeon show while snarfing down an after-school Ding Dong. Well, that's exactly what Evan was doing yesterday, while I typed away next to him on our laptop.

During a commercial break, I vaguely overheard this phrase: "so be sure and ask your mom and dad about sex". It was a public service announcement of some type, quite possibly sponsored by Hooters or such.

My ears perked up and my brows furrowed simultaneously, and I immediately focused on the commercial -- and YES, that's exactly what was said. In fact, they repeated that very line for good measure. ON THE NICKELODEON CHANNEL! (my internal dialog was screaming, "WHERE'S THE REMOTE????!!!!!)

I blinked in disbelief, held my breath and slinked down a little lower behind my laptop screen ..... because our boy is only 8 years old and we're firm believers in holding off on that "TALK" until his 27th birthday. In fact, we've already ordered a birthday cake in the shape of a bird and a bee. I'll do the math for you -- we still have 19 years to "prepare". In other words, we don't quite have the script nailed down yet.

SO........ you guessed it. Little man turned to me, looked me directly in the eyes, and asked, "Mom, what is sex?" (What is the country of origin? Could you use that in a sentence? Wait, NOOOO, don't use that in a sentence)!

I responded the way any well-adjusted parent would ..... I told him that those are the things we put on our feet to keep them warm.

And then I scurried off. I don't think he bought it.

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Here's our boy, with a look we call "muffin top"

Goofing off with BFF, Cameron

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sharon's "Mexcellent" Adventure

Is it too awfully boastful for me to say that I'm tickled with the title of this blog entry? Quit rolling your eyes and bear with me -- and NO, it WON'T be the last time you're asked to do that.

Some friends and I enjoyed a delightful lunch last week at a nearby Mexican restaurant. That's not the "Mexcellent" part, though. There's more.

Let's just say that this 40-something stay-at-home-frazzled-mom-who's-a-little-past-her-prime left the restaurant with more than a just belly full of burrito. I left with a boost in self-esteem. (I started to say "ego", but we all know that would be plain WRONG)

It would seem that I caught the eye of one of the restaurant waiters. Yes, ME! Stop laughing.

As he helped deliver our meals to the table, my admirer said "eees hot", regarding the plate. (he's so protective!) I responded with "MUY CALIENTE!" He was understandably dazzled by my fluency.

So we took the conversation a little further in his native tongue, with my sharing: "mi zapatos son muy aprieten" -- the only dialog I remember from high school. Which translated, means "my shoes, they squeeze me much."

A personal statement, to be sure. Maybe I was inadvertantly sending the wrong vibe. Because my shoes, were NOT, in fact squeezing me. Perhaps I led him on....

Well, as I was waiting for my friends to finish their "business" in the ladies' room (see how delicate I am?), this waiter started chatting me up with his most charming phrases of broken English. He had the looks of a MOVIE STAR .... this one:

I thought he was just making polite conversation until he asked me outright if I was married. WHAT?!
Pedro was lukewarm, if not hot, for the chubby white girl. Now don't worry -- I did the right thing and told him I was married, even if it cost me a lifetime's worth of free queso.
Because I have values that way.
But it's nice to know that I can still turn a head every now and then, even if he may just looking for a green card.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The "Eyes" Have It

Don't tell the other kittens ..... but this one is my favorite. The kids have named her "Cookie" -- which only adds to her appeal, in my humble opinion. And makes me crave Chips Ahoy.

When I snapped this picture of Cookie, I was amused at how her eyes photographed.
Is it just me, or does she remind you of Marty Feldman? Perhaps lasik surgery will be in order for Cookie... Right AFTER we get her mother spayed, of course. Priorities, you know.

Home Alone

This week marked a rather significant milestone in our home. I've found myself in this new, unfamiliar state called .... HOME ALONE.
All 4 kids are now officially FULL-TIME students! (insert whooping & hollering)
And it's only been a mere 12 years in the making.

As you can tell from their first-day-o-school shots, they were excited to go -- almost as excited as I was! Natalie is in 1st grade; Evan in 3rd; and Holly in 4th.

I don't mind sharing with you that my loftiest goal today is to NOT see, hear or even think about Disney channel. A nice change of pace, I might add.
I'm not going to push myself too hard, but I MIGHT even change out of my pj's. At some point. But I'm not making any promises. In the meantime, give my regards to Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Game ON

Having attended a basketball camp recently at the local high school, Evan decided to host his own BB camp for the neighborhood kids.

Which would be the equivalent of my offering a synchronized swimming work shop, when I can't go under water without holding my nose. Well, I can ..... but then there's the consequent sputtering and coughing as a result.

Anyway, he excitedly went door to door with invitations in hand and baited breath.

(Did I mention that he intended to charge 10 cents per child? I told him that only the seasoned professionals garner that kind of cash.)

The morning of the event our little coach had an agenda all planned and was pacing the cul-de-sac long before the big "camp" was scheduled to begin. ("just in case they're early")

I was following the boss' orders, whipping up a pitcher of Kool Aid for the event ... secretly hoping and praying that SOME ONE would show up!! Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see Shaq, Kobe and Michael Jordan show up, as are seen in the above picture. They look shorter in person than you'd think!

And I'll keep our wading pool "open" for a few more weeks, if you're interested in that synchronized swimming lesson.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Some Warped Humor

This just struck my funny bone!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Rachael Ray I'm NOT .....

To the rejoicing of my family, I actually BURNED our broccoli for dinner tonight. And in case you wondered, carmelized broccoli is NOT the wave of the culinary future.

Who knew that was even possible?! All I did was turn my attention to the t.v. for just a minute .... or five.

On a side note, who finds it humorous that I impulsively took a picture to document such failure for my blog?!

I might just add that it's doubtful Yankee Candle Co. will be adding the "Burned Broccoli" fragrance any time soon? Ewwwwww! The stench!

It's going to take a little while to air out my kitchen, friends! And we'll have no other choice than to eat OUT in the meantime.

Hmmm, I may actually be on to something here.

7th Grade Never Looked SO Cute

My oldest baby started 7th grade today. That's just plain CRAZY.

Doesn't she look CUTE? When I headed to 7th grade back in 1948, I boasted an eerie resemblance to Ugly Betty.
I vividly remember Alli as a newborn, then as a clingy, painfully shy toddler. I find myself reflecting on her first day of preschool, then her first day of kindergarten ...... All those "firsts" for my firstborn.

And I know that all day I'll have a little pit in my stomach -- a dull ache .... hoping and praying that her first day goes well for her, and wondering what she's doing at this very moment.

Before my eyes, she's developing into a truly sweet young lady, who is well-adjusted and caring.
I'm so proud and blessed to call her mine. What a gift!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Natalie and Alexis, Best Buds. Summer -- 2008

Saturday, August 9, 2008

It's THAT Time -- Hold my Calls until Fall

I need to come clean and admit that I am an unashamed Olympic junkie.

By that, I exercise no discretion with regard to the particular event -- I'll have it on the tube, cheering on our American contenders.

And no, I don't expect to get much else done until late September. That's why I vaccuumed and did the dishes on Friday morning, to tide us over.

I can only imagine what that experience must be like for the athlete -- AND for their parents watching in the stands.

Evan asked me if we would come watch him compete in the Olympics when he's older. Love that confidence! I assured him that we'd be there, cheering him on -- with me doing the "ugly cry" the whole time on camera for the whole wide world to see. And I'll need reconstructive surgery afterwards on my nail bed which I've undoubtedly chewed down to bloody nubs.

The fam has been gathered round the tv, enjoying the immaculate opening festivities, learning about China and the history of the Olympics and taking in all the different events. For the record -- if anyone from the Olympic Committee is reading, Natalie feels that the beach volleyball girls "need to put on more clothes."

My favorite so far has been the mens' gymnastics ..... even with Evan proclaiming EVERY single time, "NICE ARM PIT HAIR!!!" to
male gymnast.
It was actually amusing the first dozen times or so.

I catch myself literally holding my breath while each gymnast takes their turn. You see, we're kindred spirits. I'm a gymnast of sorts myself, having been forced to participate in middle school that one dark semester. Nothing builds self-esteem like having to run and catapault off the vault with the entire 6th grade class observing.

Let's just say I didn't quite nail the landing. Or the mat, for that matter.
That's what inspired me to take up typing.

Amazingly, that little mishap was caught on tape HERE.

Friday, August 8, 2008

My Maternal Instincts are Taking a Beating

This has been a trying week.

Bottle feeding 6 kittens around the clock is getting old ..... and my nerves are constantly shot listening to them meow in desperate hunger, waiting impatiently for their turn with the "wet nurse". My internal dialog sounds like this: "FEED THAT HUNGRY BABY -- NOW!!!"

At the same time it's a gratifying job, as they go quickly from shrill meows to kitten-sized purrs once a few gulps land in their tummies.

And then the cycle begins about an hour later ...... ugh!

On top of that, Holly came down very ill this week -- sporting a fever of 105.8 (under her arm, no less!). That's not a typo -- 105.8! Not that I'm boasting, but that's a new record in our household!

I was worried sick and ready to pack her in ice like I've seen on "Little House on the Prairie". The doctor suspected she had "the summer flu", and it would run its course -- I've never heard of such a thing! I thought the main medical risk of summer was a sunburn or perhaps a case of poison ivy....

I was so relieved when her fever broke ..... she's still getting her strength back a little more every day.

This is one of those weeks where I rest on the promise that in my weakness, He is strong. And THAT will preach, sister!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I've Arrived in the Blogosphere

Oh my, how exciting! My VERY first "tag", received from Amy of Great Cakes Soap Works! Apparently I'm fascinating! Who knew?

These are the rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you
2) Post the rules on your blog (this is what you are now reading)
3) Write 6 random things about yourself (see below)
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them (This is only a game)
5) Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Random items about me:

1) My favorite color has always been purple, although I'm currently going through a polka dot-loving phase in life.

2) I was the 1983 State Champion in ...... shorthand! (and think it should be included as an Olympic event).

3) In high school, I was in the Top 25 Students out of 678 Seniors.

4) I wish I could sing like my best friend, who happens to also be my little sister (and her hair is pretty awesome too!).

5) My heart's desire is to be used of the Lord as a Christian Comedienne. I'm excited to have four 'gigs" scheduled right now -- yea!

6) I'm a reformed People Pleaser. Is that OK?

NOW, I'd like to tag the following friends:

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Got Milk ?

Can I get a tad bit personal on this post? It may be PG rated.....

Suffice it to say that we've got lactation issues in Kittyville. And I feel for poor mama cat, Peanut. Oh, I truly do.

Those kittens seemingly want to nurse all the time, and mommy's outnumbered -- literally. It would appear that she's only got 4 working spickets up and running to accommodate 6 kittens. You do the math = ouch.

She's sore to the point that she growls and makes painful noises while the young-unz nurse. I called LeLeche League for assistance and they apparently don't deal with felines.

I then searched the internet with key words such as "Cat Breastfeeding", "Feline Nursing" and "Kittens Making Mama Cat's ta-tas Bleed" and I learned a few things but not necessarily helpful ones for this particular matter. In fact, I may be scarred for life in certain ways.

Anyhoo, we decided today to intervene a bit and feed the kittens by dropper. Peanut nervously watched nearby, licking the Neosporin off her sore unmentionables all the while.

On a brighter note, the kittens' eyes are almost all open now ..... and the last of their umbilical cords have fallen off.

Which reminds me .... Evan recently discovered the treasure of a shed umbilical cord on the floor near the kittens. So, being the little stinker brother he is, he flung it at his sisters and then ran off as fast as his little legs would carry him.

The sisters were NOT amused. Think the bloody finale scene of "Carrie".

I found myself stating with authority a phrase I've never said in my life, nor probably ever will again (hopefully) -- "EVAN, DO NOT FLING UMBILICAL CORDS AT YOUR SISTERS EVER AGAIN!!!"

Yes, we're proud. Never a dull moment around here.

Oh, and SOOOOOO many of you have asked about Peanut's gift registry. Your waiting is over! Her selections are made she's got her paws crossed hoping to receive this and especially has her heart set on this item. If you prefer to go practical with your gift giving, take a look at this for your consideration.

Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Is This a CRUEL Joke?

I received some mail yesterday that no summer-time mom should ever receive. It was even more unwelcome than a jury duty notice. But not as bad as a nasty-gram from the IRS.... hypothetically speaking, of course.

I can only HOPE that I'm being punk'd.

Just as we were in the home stretch of summer break, we learned that the finish line has just been extended a bit. That hurts. DEEPLY.

It seems the school building isn't quite ready for use (the kids are attending a brand new school this year).

I, for one, intend to picket....Right after I offer to work weekends to help get the joint ready. I might even rally the Amish community to aide in a barn-raising of sorts.

For the record, I find walls and finished floors to be downright pretentious and unnecessary. All the kids really need is a slate and a book or two. Think "Little House on the Prairie". If it's good enough for Miss Beedle, it's good enough for us!

In the spirit of Half Pint, we'll make an extra trip to the fishin' hole during our BONUS days of summer "vacation". (Clearly, teachers came up with THAT term)

It's official, I'm an education fanatic, as my friend Christi reminded me! I firmly believe kids should be in school, regardless of inclement weather or construction issues.