Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Evan & Natalie play "wedding". If you look close, the groom is even wearing a bow tie!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

She's Just Not THAT In To Me

Friends, I'm in deep. I'm involved in a one-sided love affair.

Her name is like poetry in my ears, the lovely Peanut Sophia .... the object of my undying and devoted affection.

As is evidenced by the photo, I suspect her affections lie elsewhere. Is it just me, or does she look like she'd like to run away like I'm PePe LePew? Film doesn't lie -- except in pictures where I look larger than I really am.

Peanut & I had a beautiful, tender relationship, full of cuddles and purring.... But it all changed when she ran away (or MAYBE she was lost & searching for me the whole time) and came home 3 days later copping a major attitude. Between you & me, I suspect our delicate & naive darling was deflowered by the tom cat, Runt, next door during her, um, disoriented days. (That's just WRONG to lose your innocence to ANYONE called Runt)

I've begged her to join me in counselling, but she just stares blankly at me. It's time to face the music. In fact, I got out the guitar and belted out a heart-felt rendition of "I can't make you love me" by Bonnie Raitt, and still ....... nothing. I swear she physically tried to roll her eyes at me when I rolled right in to "When a Woman Loves a Kitty", by Michael Bolton.

I'm beginning to think that she just hangs around for her Kibbles & Bits. And photo shoots wearing baby doll bibs (see post below)!

Tag -- You're It !!

I've been "tagged" by my buddy, Jill. Apparently, "inquiring minds want to know" and are utterly fascinated by little old me......

What was I doing ten years ago?
I was living in Tulsa, OK .... thinking I was WAY busy with a toddler and pregnant with number two. (that sounds like a vacation now!)

5 places I have travelled:
Greg used to work for American
1. Paris, France
2. Cancun, Mexico
3. Virgin Islands
4. Bahamas
5. My favorite place in the States: San Diego

5 snacks or treats I enjoy:
I don't eat that junk ..... stop laughing. OK, now you're just being rude!
1. Twix bars
2. Doritos
3. Brownies
4. Popcorn
5. Pretty much anything containing sugar or salt.....

What would I do if I were a billionaire?
1. Stop shopping at Goodwill
2. Hire a personal trainer for Jill
3. Move closer to family and build our dream home
4. Give each of my siblings $10
5. TRAVEL, beginning with taking the kids to Disney World

Places I have lived?
Columbus, OH
Chicago, IL
Tulsa, OK
Springdale, AR
Andover, KS

Jobs I have had?
Day Care Worker
Wendy's Hamburgers
Stand-up Comedienne

People I am tagging: Christi, Sarah T.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

"P" is for .......

Let me begin by stating for the record: It's NOT that I don't fully appreciate the great strides our 6-year-old is making with regard to properly formed upper case letters. Every day her class focuses on another letter of the alphabet -- and apparently she's committed to perfecting the letter "P" at home. I can do without such OVER-ACHIEVERS, thank you very much!!

My case in point, see Exhibit "A":
(do I look fat in my reflection?)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, during this blog you will be convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that said kindergartner did willfully and wantonly, and even MALICIOUSLY, engrave an upper case letter "P" in the rear panel of the family vehicle.
To wit: a pristine 1996 Chevrolet Suburban in mint condition without so much as a blob of bird droppings outside nor the odor of stale french fries within.
The testimony will show that this offender did, in fact, painstakingly hand-select a rock of extraordinarily hard substance, and did subsequently deface the afore-mentioned property with carving of great precision. That the accused didn't realize the rock would scratch the paint through the three inches of accumulated dirt should NOT be allowed into evidence.
So, I submit herewith that the letter "P" in this case should stand for PRISON, PAROLE, PROBATION or perhaps a good PADDLING. What do you, the members of the jury, find in this matter?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Accessories by Natalie ....... oh how humiliating!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Three-Ring Circus

No, I'm not blogging about my every day life, although the title would still apply..... Let me just share with you that the highlight of our weekend was going to the Shiner's Circus! I'm a firm believer that every kid should go to a "real" circus at least once in their life. If you can get past the lingering smell of elephant urine and the sight of grown men in fuschia tights, it's BIG fun.

I vividly remember my parents taking us kids to the circus as a child, and those memories are very fond ones. There was so much to see, and such awe and excitement in the air. I can recall the burning, desperate desire to own one of those light-up swords or blow-up elephants the vendors would sell up and down the aisles. I was tempted to buy one of EACH souvenir this weekend, just because I CAN -- but I'm a grown-up and I realized (maturely) that a bag full of "circus treasures" doesn't a house payment make. AND they don't even offer layaway.

After all these years, I can clearly picture in my mind my favorite act as a young girl -- what else: the poodle fashion show. These women would dress up poodles in the most adorable outfits and the pups would hop down the "runway" on their hind legs. Well, this past Saturday, I swear the VERY same women hauled out the poodles from the crate and did that VERY same act! I watched with mixed fascination and concern as they were most certainly risking a broken hip in trying to keep up with those fashionable canines. They've GOT to be pushing 97 years of age by now...... that's got to be some sort of record! When DOES retirement kick in for circus workers, anyway? Don't they have a union (Poodle Handlers 289 or something?) 60 Minutes needs to hear about this matter.
But, alas, I digress ...... These Shriners have gotten really smart. They are shrewd businessmen now. They offer all kinds of cool stuff (for a PRICE) to keep you entertained and occupied while you wait for the show to start ..... and also during their 30 minute intermission (YES, 30 minutes!!!). Things like airbrush tattoos, face painting, inflatables to hop in, pony rides AND elephant rides! Hey, how often will the kids get a chance to ride an elephant? Well, Evan & Natalie were game, and here's a picture of that memorable ride. (As for me, I JUST missed the weight limit of 119 pounds by a mere 3 ounces. Bummer)

We really did have a GREAT time, and hopefully made a wonderful memory for the kids. Now if you'll excuse me, I really must get my Pepper Torte out of the oven.

Friday, April 18, 2008

To Have a Voice Like THIS.....

Click on this link to see the most adorable, precious (and sometimes a tad bit painful) performance of "The Lord's Prayer":

Celine Dion don't have NOTHING on her!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

You Eated my Cookie .... AND Peppers?

Alli was required to take a 6th grade class earlier this year called FACS (Family and Consumer Science). For those of you MY age (26 ish...) -- think "home ec."

Ever since, she is loving any opportunity to bake. On Monday she made some cookies to use as a prop in her skit for Spanish class -- which would rival any Betty Crocker bake-off winner!! So, be looking for her on the Food Network any day now......

We could call the show "You Eated my Cookie?" -- and I could be the raving lunatic stage mother just off camera! Sounds like a sure thing to me, and I'm off to put a designer apron on layaway right now!

Rachael Ray has just about run her course anyway, and if sweet ol' Paula Deen consumes three sticks of butter every day as is evidenced in her recipes, well...... there may be an opening in HER time slot as well.

Maybe I could be a guest one day on Alli's cooking show -- and demonstrate "101 ways to prepare peppers". You see, my sweet hubby came home from the grocery store with TEN red & green bell peppers a few days ago (they were 10 for $10, so he thought he had to buy that many). SO, our whole family menu this week is geared towards using them up in some way, shape or form.

We've already had stuffed peppers, put some on our salad, inside quesadillas, dicing them to top our morning cornflakes .... (I feel like that guy on "Forrest Gump" who's naming off the MANY ways you can prepare shrimp......)!! Pepper gumbo, pepper stroganoff, pepper shortcake ......

Stay tuned to see what the mystery pepper entree' will be next! (All those dishes come with a side of Tums and a Rolaids chaser, of course!)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Desperately seeking cellulite .....

I'm watching the Miss USA pageant and they just finished the swimsuit portion of the competition. I'll admit that the main reason I watch the swimsuit part is solely to see if MAYBE, just MAYBE one of those girls' legs might have a single, minute, subtle trace of a jiggle when they walk. And let me tell ya, it's tough to fully pay attention while I'm polishing off that baker's dozen of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and squeezing into my Lane Bryant jeans so I can pay the pizza delivery guy at the door!

I do love watching these pageants, and always have. My favorite part is coming up -- the evening gowns! Bring on the glitz, girls. And while you're at it, bring me a bacon cheeseburger!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Tiger Sharks

Evan had a big event his week in his class -- YES, the long-awaited, annual 2nd grade Animal Report Night! (hold your applause until the conclusion, please)

All the parents were pressured to, oops, I mean invited to come to the school and admire (i.e. act interested in) all the masterpieces. I found myself making the rounds, exclaiming statements such as "WOW, I had NO idea a wild mustang weighed that! How fascinating!" (by the way, it was ironically my goal weight)
Some of the projects were SO extravagant -- EVEN fancier than our clay shark glued to the paper-covered box. I suspect some parents logged more hours than the kids on this project!
Our little guy was required to put together a Power Point presentation (maybe he'll show me how), make the display showed in the picture, AND write a comprehensive report (amusing portions shared below):
This animal may lose thousands of teeth in its life. Do you lose thousands of teeth in your life? It can force out unwanted objects out of its stomach or throw up. (hey, he's a boy ..... he's biologically obliged to include a bodily function somewhere) This animal breathes by swimming so when they're asleep they must swim. My animal is a Tiger Shark. (insert lots of boring facts here.....)
I loved doing my research on Tiger Sharks! They are not very pretty but they can do many, many things. They have been around for ages and ages! I couldn 't choose between a shark or a tiger. I put tiger and shark together and got Tiger Shark. The End.
There it is -- he's officially surpassed me for any potential journalism job at "Inside Edition".

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

We are the CHAMPIONS, my friend

GO JAYHAWKS! OK, I'll be honest -- It's not that I really care ALL that much about college basketball. But in Kansas, we'll take bits of excitement wherever we can find it!
I was tickled to see Alli get into the spirit of the championship game with this kooky get-up, complete with red lipstick used for face paint! (Elaine on Seinfeld would be so disturbed....) Her little sisters quickly followed suit -- Alli's a leader that way. :-)
All 4 kids were CRAZY with school spirit during the BIG game. Such fun! And when KU won in overtime, it was even BETTER. I'll bet we have 4 little future Jayhawks here under our roof. I hope they don't leave the nest too soon!
Have a blessed day!!!!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

On the fence about this one ....

Check out our darling, dainty girls dangling on our back yard fence -- their sole purpose being to torment the neighbor's dog. These silly willies have a ball, peeking over the top of the fence and barking at that poor little doggie. And it responds with frantic, desperate barking, to their utter glee. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure if that's so darling after all ....... but BIG fun for them nonetheless! A word to our neighbors ..... sorry about disturbing the peace with all that barking my girls provoked (and did themselves)!
It's the simple pleasures in life. Enjoy your day!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Oh, What a Beautiful Sunday!!

Wow, this day is just gorgeous! So why am I sitting on my couch blogging, you might wonder.....hmmmm, I dunno.

But as I look out my picture window, I imagine that if I were to go outside and start singing like Snow White, I'd likely have birds swirling around and perching on my extended pointer finger. Maybe even a butterfly or two.

You know, back in the day, I actually donned a Snow White get-up for a Halloween party. Yep, I even sewed my own costume with stand-up white collar and everything! I'm talking red headband, red shoes with bows, even the all-important prop of holding an apple. At the risk of sounding conceited, I could have easily served as Snow White's body double on the set.

At the costume party, my friends got bored and we ended up in a gritty, dingy cowboy bar. Yes, a cowboy bar .... dressed as Snow White. With 99 percent of the people dressed up as, well, cowboys. And convincing ones at that. "Which of these ladies, doesn't belong here?" as they would sing on Sesame Street. I remember one cowboy suggesting that he ought to "kiss me and wake me up" ewwwwww!

Ahhhh, memories.

Followed by thoughts of "what were we thinking?" Lots of thoughts like that, actually.

On that note, I think I'll actually GO outside. Now where's my apple?

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Rain Rain Go Away!

What a dreary, rainy, chilly day. It's a perfect day to curl up on the couch in my sweats enjoying a chick flick .... tucked under a cozy blanket .... with a nice hot cup of cocoa .... and a box of cookies ..... and my kitty on my lap ..... I might just do that, right after I finish my 700 sit-ups. Now, where was I ? um, I think 699 ? Aw, forget it -- I'll just wear a panty girdle and pop in the "Hairspray" movie! That chubby girl can MOVE. Pass the Cheetos!

Oh, by the way, I've learned that it may have been a mistake to include the word "virgin" in my initial blog. Apparently, some perverts, I mean fine, upstanding folks, search for that particular term, and seem to have gotten a mistaken impression of me. But on the bright side, I've never been so popular! (especially at the local jail.....) I think I'm on ALL their "friends" lists!!

A friend of mine urged me to blog about my morning last Friday. I awoke to Allison in tears telling me our garage door was wide open and that our kitty had, in turn, run off. Well, that's alarming on many levels, as we KNOW that we closed our garage door before going to bed, and the fact that our cat is an INDOOR cat and has never been allowed to roam the "hood". She's been in perpetual "heat", so we were sheltering her until we got her "fixed." On a side note, that kitty rolls around the floor and moans more than Madonna did in the 80's!

So I was assuring Allison that we'll find Peanut, when my youngest (Natalie) came strutting into the room, modeling her outfit for school picture day. She was wearing her sparkly Sunday dress, along with a CRAZY bleached blond wig that I've used in comedy skits! She was bound & determined to wear that wig during her photo shoot! (Ok, maybe she's seen one too many episodes of "America's Next Top Model")

THEN....Evan would NOT get out of bed, refusing to go to school. This is not typical. Apparently he keeps getting yelled out by his teacher (at least in his perception). He was tetering dangerously close to a major meltdown at the thought of facing another grueling day in his 2nd grade classroom.

On top of all that....Holly then entered the room complaining of a stomach ache. She immediately starts hurling, as I'm trying to comfort Allison about the missing cat, trying to talk Natalie out of wearing the Courtney Love "do", and coaxing Evan out of bed. Whew! Just another morning at our house!

It all turned out well -- Our cat came home (3 FULL days later); Evan went to school with a promise of a fun after-school outing; Natalie parted with her blonde ambitions for school pictures; and Holly felt fine after puking. The end. It's no wonder I'm the Poster Child for Zoloft! Can't wait to start all over again tomorrow, and see what that brings.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


Don't you just love Spring?! It's a beautiful, sunny day here, and a great day to be alive. I just LOVE to see the spring flowers peeking through the soil and beginning their blooming. The trees are beginning their budding, and the whole earth seems to be coming alive again. Can I confess that whatever "blossoming" I did in my life (physically) happened AFTER high school. In fact, I'm going to post my senior picture below as proof. Thank God for his MIRACLES in my life, and for mustache wax.