"P" is for .......

Let me begin by stating for the record: It's NOT that I don't fully appreciate the great strides our 6-year-old is making with regard to properly formed upper case letters. Every day her class focuses on another letter of the alphabet -- and apparently she's committed to perfecting the letter "P" at home. I can do without such OVER-ACHIEVERS, thank you very much!!

My case in point, see Exhibit "A":

(do I look fat in my reflection?)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, during this blog you will be convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that said kindergartner did willfully and wantonly, and even MALICIOUSLY, engrave an upper case letter "P" in the rear panel of the family vehicle.

To wit: a pristine 1996 Chevrolet Suburban in mint condition without so much as a blob of bird droppings outside nor the odor of stale french fries within.

The testimony will show that this offender did, in fact, painstakingly hand-select a rock of extraordinarily hard substance, and did subsequently deface the afore-mentioned property with carving of great precision. That the accused didn't realize the rock would scratch the paint through the three inches of accumulated dirt should NOT be allowed into evidence.

So, I submit herewith that the letter "P" in this case should stand for PRISON, PAROLE, PROBATION or perhaps a good PADDLING. What do you, the members of the jury, find in this matter?