A Hairy Haircut Appointment

The bad news is I'm too sick to attend church this morning. The good news is I'm home alone, in a quiet house, with time to blog! So I thought I'd share an amusing memory with you.

Back in da day, roughly 60 years ago ....... my best buddy started dating a guy named Wayne. Well, his best friend was Kevin, and he & I hit it off. We made quite a foursome on weekends, hitting the town and singing along to our Loverboy cassette. ("everybody's workin' for the weekend") Wayne and Kevin both lived in a nearby town, about 20 minutes away. A whole 'nother county! Exotic, don't you think?!

During our budding romance, I remember that Kevin vacationed in Florida for a week. Upon his return, he was so excited to give me a genuine pearl mounted inside a heart pendant. You know, one of those "you choose the oyster and keep the pearl inside" things. Again, so exotic!

Not long after that, I ventured to a new hairdresser I had heard good things about. During the course of conversation, she mentioned the small town where she lived. I said, "Hey! What a coincidence! My boyfriend Kevin lives there!!" She put the scissors to her side and said "Kevin WHO?" Well, as I said his last name, I distinctly noticed her grip on the scissors tighten. Not a good sign. My blood ran cold at that very moment.

Turns out he was dating us both at the same time. ME -- Caught in a love triangle! (EXOTIC!) I suddenly wondered if she & I had matching pearl love pendants, but didn't think it was the ideal time to inquire. I could always pose that pressing question during the taping of our Jerry Springer episode.

Anyhoo ...... NOT a good feeling, sitting in a beauty shop chair, locking eyes at the reflection in the mirror of a woman scorned, who's wielding sharp instruments, and terrified that she's about to go all "Edward Scissorhands" on me. The very definition of "vulnerable", folks! I had visions in my head of walking out of the beauty shop sporting this look:


So I managed to utter the only three words that seemed to matter at that point ........ "just a trim".

And I never dated Kevin-from-the-next-county again.

Tales of a Wardrobe Malfunction

Any of you ladies ever experienced wardrobe malfunctions? Now relax, I'm not going to the "Super Bowl" place on this particular topic.

This specific wardrobe malfunction will focus solely on hosiery and hosiery alone. This is rated "G", thankyouverymuch! Sit back and (hopefully) enjoy this recent incident I'm about to share with you.

One Sunday morning, I was walking into the church sanctuary and for every step I took, I could sense my pantyhose were creeping downward just a little. "Houston, we have a problem". It started an inch below my waistline, then I could feel the waistband resting mid-hip, and it just started going south at a rapid pace from there. It's like the dam had burst and there was NO holding it back now! I had a flood of Leggs pantyhose on my hands, folks! I just knew if I didn't do something quick, I'd most certainly be hosting a pile of nylons around my ankles any second.

My options were limited, as services were JUST about to begin and I was serving on worship team. I had to be on stage, ready to go with my game face ON at the stroke of the first note. No time to run (or even hobble) to the restroom!

So, I scrambled and enlisted my trusty soprano counterpart to stand guard outside the storage closet just off the sanctuary. I only needed three seconds to give them a good tug and GO, GO, GO.

I ducked in the safe confines of the closet, and frantically began tugging and pulling and darn near had my skirt over my head when ...... are you ready ...... the doorknob turned and in a milla-second's warning, our band's guitar player barreled into the room. YES, at the exact--worst--moment.

I don't care if you're Heidi Klum, people -- viciously wrestling with your pantyhose while hoisting your skirt in a dark closet isn't a good look for ANYONE.

The poor guitar player was just as startled, alarmed, and scarred for life as I was! It seems my soprano (former) "friend" had gotten sucked into a vortex of idle chit chat and was completely unaware that our protective barrier had been breached. For the record, she would make a lousy Navy Seal. To this day, I wonder if it was all an elaborate set up, beginning with the hosiery company ......

My face is still red. But you gotta love it.

Things That Make You Go "Ewwwwww"

I've been sick for the last few days with a nasty virus -- one that has left my tonsils covered with icky sores. I made my husband humor me and take a look down my gullet with a flashlight, to which he reacted with a repulsed "ewwwww, yuck"! Honestly, I was hoping for that reaction to validate my moaning and groaning during this plague.

So that got me thinking of other things that have made me go "ewwwww"! I've got a little down time right now, being sick and all, and have been compiling a mental list. Brace yourselves, it might not be pretty. Here goes:

THINGS THAT HAVE MADE ME GO "EWWWWW" (all true):

1. Let me start with an "easy" one -- I positively cannot stomach anything remotely having to do with the regurgitation process. I can't see it, smell it or even HEAR someone getting sick -- or else I start to gag. I can't even stand the word "vomit" or its synonyms. I'm grateful for my hubby, who serves as our official Puke Patrol. HE COMPLETES ME, PEOPLE!

2. When spending the night with my grandparents as a child, I got a bed time drink from a cup in the bathroom. Well, the next morning I discovered that it was the very same cup Grandma used every night to soak her dentures! (oooh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit at the memory. PUKE PATROL!!)

3. A well-fed bird left us this love offering on our picture window this morning. NICE.... When Evan saw this handiwork, he said "WHAT has that bird been eating, anyway?!" Mr. Puke Patrol needs to get that cleaned up STAT. :-)

4. When visiting another relative, I was half-way finished eating breakfast when I noticed movement and wiggling in my bowl of Raisin Bran -- yes, BUGS. I mean, I'm all for fiber, but ....

5. Our kitty recently had a bout with worms. You know how I know for sure? Because my son picked one up out of her litter box, WITH HIS FINGERS and showed me.

6. When viewing a house to bid a cleaning job, the homeowner introduced me their pit bull puppies, who sleep curled up inside the folks' pots & pans.

7. When my grandpa was getting remarried at around 80 years of age, he pulled my dad aside and assured him that "it wasn't just for the sex." Which brings to mind my next entry:

8. On vacation my parents would force us kids to "go on ahead of them to the pool; they'll catch up with us". I never put 2 and 2 together ....... until one fateful day when ..... ummm ....... well, I ummmm....... FORGOT MY POOL TOWEL and went back to the hotel room to retrieve it. Let's just say that certain images were burned into my 12-year-old retinas that remain to this day. 22 years of hypnotic therapy have helped me block that out a little.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. What about you? What things make you go "ewwwww"?

"LOST" Season Finale Spoiler (sorta, kinda ....)

I hate to be the one to let the season finale secret of "LOST" out of the bag, BUT.......
suffice it to say:

Photo Courtesy of Flickr

Up & Coming Artist

This original artwork is courtesy of Natalie, whose signature work typically boasts star eyes, a single buck tooth, the lone "mind of its own" hair on top, and my favorite -- the coconut bra.

Wordless Wednesday -- An Unexpected Visitor

How about THIS as our family picture for Christmas cards?! Just like the Crocodile Hunter, huh?! She's a BEE-UUUUU-TY!

Bon Appetite!

We can officially cross off #17 from our list, folks! Only 21 more to go..... Today was IRON CHEF DAY!

Our talented in-house chefs went head to head this afternoon in a heated battle supreme.

The competition kicked off with offerings of a sherbet shake (orange kool-aid with sherbet) vs. double chocolate sandwich (wheat bread with chocolate pudding and Cocoa Puffs).

Second course consisted of chocolate chip muffins topped with chocolate pudding and sprinkles for a festive touch vs. Barbie waffles drizzled with syrup and dusted with Fruity Pebbles.
A tough judge's panel.


For the record, Evan won round one, Alli won round 2 -- TIE! We're ALL WINNERS!

And I think THEY'LL be making dinner tonight.
Call us for a catering menu!