Comedy Central, Here I Come!

Apparently people have been talking -- and word on the street is that I'm stinkin' hilarious. (which is a whole 'nother level than just plain old hilarious) Honestly, I've cracked myself up years now..... and am happy to find some kindred (albeit warped) spirits.

This began a few months ago, when a mega church invited me to speak to their womens' group and billed me as a stand-up comedienne -- no pressure there! After agonizing over what to share -- and guzzling cases of Pepto Bismol -- I took the stage and they absolutely LOVED me.

Because I'm modest.

I spoke at a different church this morning, and we had such a great time together. They seemed to especially like this true story of mine: Picture this .....

I was about 13 months' pregnant, with a grocery cart piled high as the Grinch's sleigh. As I was leaving the store, a severe storm had rolled in and rain was coming down by the bucket -- I'm talking monsoon, people! There were about 50 folks standing in the doorway, waiting for the rain to let up. Well, I was in a huge rush, as it was dangerously close to the pick-up time at Alli's preschool. (I couldn't risk getting a dirty look from the teacher again....)

So I kindly asked the rain-watchers to step aside, as the prego was making a run for it. And of course, I use the term "run" loosely. The folks parted like the Red Sea, in disbelief (at my stupidity, I'm sure). Well, I gave it my best pregnant girl dash, knowing I had approx. 100 eyes on my behind. It was about half way down the row that I discovered .......

I had absolutely NO idea where I had parked.

None.

I'm sure I drove here ....

So as I zoomed .... well, lumbered, up and down the aisles, back and forth, back and forth, half giggling and half mortified, it was a painful realization that I really should have thought this operation through much, much better before launching.

I believe I've found my "niche" in sharing my down-to-earth, humorous life experiences, with a sprinkling of Christian teachings and scriptures. God has been so faithful to give me LOTS of material, just with my everyday life! So I'll use that to bring Him glory in turn, and hopefully encourage some hearts along the way. God bless!

Wordless Wednesday

Challenge: Can you tell WHICH ONE IS THE STATUE?


Our boy, the ARTIST -- whose creation of a Nutcracker King was featured at the County Art Museum. Look for his work next at the Sistine Chapel.

Pass the Sunscreen!

I came home this weekend to find my 4 kids had been very busy putting together a beach party in our living room. Of course, living in Kansas, we have to use our imaginations if we want to play at the beach!

This "surprise luau" was in honor of Mother's Day -- Isn't that adorable?!

And, of course, Peanut got in on the action --

Faithful Fan(s) from Far, Far Away

Well, perhaps I exaggerate with my title.

However, I just stumbled upon a really cool site that probably every blogger known to man has been aware of except me -- statcounter.com! If I wasn't already obsessed with "my little blog that could" before, now there's a whole new dimension added to its draw.

On that website, I am able to see a graph -- a GRAPH, people -- just like a board meeting, to track the number of folks who visit my blog daily. And I mean BOTH of you. Hi mom.

I haven't figured it out quite yet, but I'm relatively sure there's a search mode to ascertain what they ate for breakfast -- BREAKFAST, people -- just like IHOP! (Anyone else just get a hankerin' for multi-flavored syrup choices at your fingertips?)

Back to the website stuff: I can pull up a map -- a MAP, people -- (oh, I wish I'd asked for a laser pointer for Mother's Day), and see markers of all my loyal readers' vast locations. I'm talking ALL over the world. I'm also able to tell that the majority of them looked at my blog for less than 15 seconds....

Anyway, I certainly hope those visitors are not James Bond kind of folk, gathering evidence of delicate issues like various uses for red peppers and Suburbans marked with a "P".

I can see the congressional hearing now...... "No sir, my intent was simply to spread joy to the world of blogging with tales of my circus visits and my would-be love affair with my cat".

Visit me in prison?

Charmed by Charleston and my Chihuahua Chum

Honey, I'm home! And I'm reminded why it's stressful to travel, especially by air.

On the way out of town, there was a weather delay -- those doggone Kansas storms are downright wicked! They had to reroute me through Newark, San Diego, Jacksonville, then to my final destination: Charleston, SC (not really, it just felt like it)

On the return trip, there was a maintenance issue ("Folks, we have mechanics looking at the engine to see if they can figure out where a spark is coming from. They have their manuals out and are doing their best.") Hmmmmm, am I the only one who thinks that DOES NOT instill confidence in travellers?! We ended up having to deplane (which makes me think of Tattoo), and I began to wonder if I would be spending the night in the Atlanta airport. (and hoping they offer layaway at Ben & Jerry's....)

Thankfully, we were on another plane in no time and on our way to my happily ever spot called Wichita...a mere 2 1/2 hours late. The whole time I kept thanking the good Lord that all 4 of my kids weren't in tow....AND that I splurged and bought TWO magazines to entertain myself!

But back to the trip -- I had the BEST TIME EVER! There's nothing like a long-time, great friend. One who you can pick right back up with, as if you've never been apart. We talked, and talked, and talked, and talked -- much like excited Chihuahuas interacting. We may or may not have been annoying to those within a quarter mile of our presence.....and they may or may not have been thankful when we moved on out of their hearing......

Anyway, Lisa & I had a ball walking around downtown Charleston. There were open air markets, tons of gift shops, great restaurants, and charming scenery all around. We enjoyed a horse-drawn carriage tour as well as a harbor tour by boat. We created new memories with silly little things, like when we ordered Starbucks and told them wrong names, just to be goofy (see below). "Order ready for Bambi and Lola"! How can a gal NOT giggle at that?!

I'm sure that at some point I will, in fact, grow up.

It feels good to be home, and I feel fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful blessings of true friends and wonderful family.

Wordless Wednesday -- goofing off

Happy Mother's Day to ME

Well, guess what? (imaginary drum roll, please) I'm headed to the beach tomorrow! As an early Mother's Day gift, I'm getting away for a long weekend with one of my dearest & oldest friends, Lisa. (she's not THAT old -- you know what I mean....) She lives in SC and will meet me in the quaint & utterly charming city of Charleston.

My personal tour guide (Lisa) has booked us for every form of tour available (horse drawn carriage, walking tour, by boat, bus, hot air balloon, trolley car, helicopter....) Everything short of a tiny Chinese man pulling our rickshaw.

And THAT's just Saturday's schedule.

Lisa & I worked together at a law firm for years before I got married and moved away. Suffice it to say, we have been through a lot together. I mean, a LOT. Lisa was with me every step of the way while I was a naive pilgrim in the savage world of dating. That girl dated vicariously through me -- sharing every broken heart, every disappointment, and then rejoicing when I found Greg and being my bridesmaid.

She even had the guts to discourage my marrying that gay guy a few years earlier -- now that's a REAL friend.

I haven't actually seen Lisa for about seven years (thank goodness for e-mail). I hope she recognizes me, as I've entered that delicate "season" of life where I discover acne nestling into my wrinkle crevices. Sort of midway between puberty and menopause. Somewhere between hot pants and hot flash.

I still face the daunting task of deciding what to pack........ hmmmmmm, what makes me look fabulously thin, what weather should I plan for, and most importantly, what matches the darling apple green spring purse I bought at that yard sale? Such weighty matters! That reminds me, I've got to pack my Spanx to wear with my swimsuit. I'm not sure I'm ready for the FIRST swimsuit appearance of the season. Brace yourselves, folks, it's not gonna be perty.

I'll write with a comprehensive Charleston report when I return. Until then......